This Is What Happens #5

My roommate and I have conversations while I'm at work. Usually they're in all caps. Usually they're something like this.

This week's episode is the result of me going in for a spinal MRI a little while back because of a slipped disc. Everything is OK now, for the most part, so do not fret, caring reader.


AIM IM with Gregorio.
6/20/08, 10:29 AM

him: how was the mri screaming witch lady machine
me: it went like this
me: WE'RE PUTTING YOU IN A VERY SMALL TUBE PRETEND LIKE IT'S NOT A COFFIN AND/OR YOU BEING SWALLOWED BY A RATHER MEDIUM SIZED WHALE
SHE WILL BUZZ LIKE A MASSAGE CHAIR BUT WITH NONE OF THE BENEFITS
CLOSE YOUR EYES AND SQUEEZE ON THIS RUBBER BULB IF YOU DECIDE THAT YOU HAVE LOST SANITY
him: hahaha
him: hey tomorrow do you want to not drink water and sit in the sun until we die?
me: man
me: I can't think of a better plan
him: dude its on!!!!!
him: dude i have an amazing idea
me: I want to hear amazing ideas
me: those are the only ideas I want to hear
him: bounce house boat surfing
me: that's fucking amazing
him: take a bounce house out to the ocean
me: I'M SORRY
me: Fucking Amazing
him: HOLY SHIT
him: and then afterwards GRILLING LOBSTERS
him: HOLY SHIT
me: I could do all of that
him: birthday party
him: "The word “unfunny” surely applies to Mr. Myers’s obnoxious attempts to find mirth in physical and cultural differences but does not quite capture the strenuous unpleasantness of his performance. No, “The Love Guru” is downright antifunny, an experience that makes you wonder if you will ever laugh again."
me: AHA!!HAHAHAA!!!
me: where is this article!
me: seriously
him: its the new york times

Yes it is, Gregorio. Yes it is.

This Is What Happens #4 - Miss Cleo

My roommate and I have conversations while I'm at work. Usually they're in all caps. Usually they're something like this.

AIM IM with Gregorio.
6/18/08, 1:56 PM

him:
THIS IS MISS CLEO I HAVE POSESSED GREGORIO
YOUR FUTURE IS NOT IRIE
me:
MISS CLEO PREDICT MY FORTUNE PARTICULARLY THE BITS ABOUT MY CHICKEN DINNER AND THE WHEREABOUTS OF ARNOLD THE GANGLY MASTODON
him:
YES BOY I SEE THAT YOU HAVE SCALLOPED POTATOES IN YOUR FUTURE, DO YOU KNOW A DAY CALLED THANKSGIVING, YES WELL IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN EVERY YEAR
me:
OH NOES
WHAT ABOUT MY CHRYSANTHEMUM JUMPING ORB
WITH EXTRA LAMB GRAVY TURBO ACTION
him:
YOU HAVE TO KEEP IT TO YOURSELF BOY, YOUR WIFE IS IN JAIL AM I CORRECT? TAKE THE GRAVY TO HER BUT MAKE IT CLEAR THAT IT IS FOR HER BENEFIT OR SHE WILL CATCH ON FIRE
me:
EGADS CROATIA
DO I PAY YOU NOW OR DOES IT INVOLVE MUCH RAPTURES
him:
PAY ME IN RADIO WAVES BOY
me:
IS THAT MICHOACAN FLAVOR OR LIFE ALERT WORD JUMBLE VARIETY
him:
MUSHROOM SONG YOUNG SWITZERLAND BABY JUNK GOD OF SCIENCE JAZZ BONE FISHMOTRON
BZZZZZZZT
me:
I SHALL APPROACH THE ALIEN GHOST FANTA RANGER ACCORDINGLY AND REQUEST FORMAL COMPENSATION RITES
EXPECT NON ALLOYED MATERIALS IN THE POST WITHIN THE ALLOTED GLANDULAR PERIOD
him:
PUT ON THE CLOUD JACKET, YOU DON'T WANT WEASLE FUR ELECTRIFICATION
me:
FORTHWITH AND WITHOUT LANGUISH CEREMONY
LUMBAR CRISIS LUMBAR CRISIS WE HAVE LOST ALL SSHSZHHSZZHHSZHSHSZZZKKKKFFFFTTBZZZquip

My Roommate Got A New Phone

G: so i got a 'new' phone and discovered it was actually used
ME: oh?
how's that?
G: because i found dirty text messages from the previous owner
ME: did you save them?
G: yes i am taking it back
ME: what do they say?


G: please fuck my mouth tonite and 'my hubby bought me a new phone now he will ravage my orrifaces. luv u.'


ME: WHAAAAT?
G: yes! all their pics are on there of their kids and them it is bizarre


ME: yeah, really
G: but in a way it gave me hope that marriage can still be fun
ME: hahaha
G: maybe this is some of gods handy work
hahaha
always clean off your phone
ME: clean it out
clean it off
G: that is the lesson
hahahha so funny
jackpot
ME: what kind of phone is it?
G: lg dare the la gear to the iphone nike
hooray for fake iphones
I WIN

Apparently this is a picture of the woman who owns the phone (right) and her sister.


There was also a pic of what looks like a lego pirate forcing someone to walk the plank.


I think we all win on this one...

(click the pics for bigger)

Digital Praise

Like guitar hero, but are afraid that rock n roll is a musical portal into the gaping, blistered claws of Satan himself? Don't worry, Sarah Palin Jesus freak! We have the video game to lead your soul into salvation.
GUITAR PRAISE

...

MAKING THE INTERNET A BETTER PLACE TO LIVE

YouTube Comment Snob
--an easy Firefox add-on that allows you to filter all those comments that detract from what might otherwise be your favorite light saber kitten dance video. Click the link and download it today for free.

...

Also, in world news, artist Jan Vormann has been replacing broken masonry near Rome with Lego pieces.

Music Time + Bonus Muppet Action

Listen & Download!

8 Bit Betty - Reading Rainbow
Spiritualized - Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space
-- Note: Rumored Myspace secret show tomorrow night, Fri Sept 19 @ The Echoplex
Joy Division - Sound of Music
Suicide - Cheree
WHY? - The Hollows ***MUST LISTEN***

and possibly the best version of Ode to Joy there could ever be

Lift Up, Get Down

This...



Reminded me of this...



--

First Clip: Holy Ghost VS Twisted Individual & MC GQ - @ Baptazia - part 1
Second Clip: Familjen - Det snurrar i min skalle

Today's best, Tomorrow's Doom? - September 10, 2008

A lot of what's going on today has to do with CERN's LHC (Large Hadron Collider) experiment because that's what's going to destroy the world. The one that we live in. The one with your favorite ice cream shop and those neighbors across the street that you never talk to. For the serious lowdown, click here, but for now, on to the fun stuff....

• Large Hadron Rap

CERN Rap from Will Barras on Vimeo.
--Download the mp3 here (right-click and "Save As...")--

• LHC Conspiracy Theory
• Best & Worst Case Scenarios
• 10 Other Dates the World Failed To End
• Live camera feed from the LHC

and just so you worriers can be sure
• www.hasthelhcdestroyedtheearth.com

also, for those that don't give a damn about the LHC...
• Today's Fluff
• Got a fever and the only cure is more cowbell? Add superfluous cowbell (and extra Walken) to any song with MoreCowbell.dj.
--Example: The Beatles - Love Me Do--
• Burglar wakes men with spice rub, sausage attack

Internet Roundup 09/08/08

Seems to be a lot going on today, so here are the many links

•Noel Gallagher Assaulted On Stage In Toronto
•Big Buddha Find At Afghan Archeological Site
•Esquire Electronically Inks A New (Kind of Big) Deal
•Crazy Cambodian Tries Hottest Hot Sauce In The World... 7.1 MILLION SCOVILLES!!!
--Click here to check out the hot sauce--
•Spongebob Squarepants Like You've Never Seen Him Before (NSFW)
• Make Your Own Classic Superhero Paper Figures
•4 1/2 Minutes of Fluff

Drunk History vol. 3 - Featuring Danny McBride

Late one night Jen Kirkman drank a bottle and a half of wine and then discussed an historical event...

The one IM to rule them all

Occasionally, I get random people that send me a message on AIM. It used to happen quite often, but hasn't in a long while until today. It went like this:

thefoolishtook:
jen?
me:
Samwise?
thefoolishtook:
not quite
me:
not quite jen, either
thefoolishtook:
so its not the meddo plt ldr that we all know and love?
me (but really Krystle, my co-worker typing):
nope, it's the cuddly teddy bear that we all love to squeeze
thefoolishtook:
well teddy bear, tell jen to answer her phone
me:
honestly, I only know one Jen and she's my coworker and married, so I don't think she's who you're looking for
but I'll tell her to answer her phone
thefoolishtook:
uhhh sorry, i think i have the wrong sn
{thefoolishtook has gone Offline}
me (in real life):
what the hell is a meddo plt ldr?

DOES ANYBODY KNOW?